I know the end of the year is coming because I have become too contemplative about things. People I know, and care about, are all going in some exciting direction yet I stagnate, waiting for the perfect time to claim what I want. Freedom from the mundane is what I crave but I find myself afraid to make that first step. There is something safe in not changing...
I have been reevaluating relationships and find that many of those that have been started lately are more superficial than I had thought and am losing interest in them. However, I am also lucky enough to have some really great people as friends.
However, I also gravitate towards those who appear to need help and get involved to make their lives easier but this is kind of self-defeating. I make it my responsibility to help them and forget to help myself. I have to spend more time thinking of me however I find it quite alien and a little bit selfish.
Yesterday, I lost my cool because I was supposed to meet someone and the person was about an hour and a half late to call me to set up a meeting place. No big deal, I know but I am only in this city for a day or two more and have to make the best of my time. I hate wasted time. So, when this person finally called me, I had already gone and completed the task that we were supposed to have done together and told this person that I just wanted to get on with my day. I wasn't mad when I told them but I was kind of simmering inside.
When I try to help people or go with them when they have no confidence, I usually don't require anything in return but occasionally, I feel like I am being taken advantage of. It is evil of me but I think any feeling is valid and should be recognized.
I seem to have put my life on hold for youth and right now I am thinking that I need to do something and have the things that most people have at this age. Things like living and working in a place where I am growing instead of stagnating. I have to jump in with both feet.
So, I suppose that I know what I need to do. Now I just need to do it!
I have been reevaluating relationships and find that many of those that have been started lately are more superficial than I had thought and am losing interest in them. However, I am also lucky enough to have some really great people as friends.
However, I also gravitate towards those who appear to need help and get involved to make their lives easier but this is kind of self-defeating. I make it my responsibility to help them and forget to help myself. I have to spend more time thinking of me however I find it quite alien and a little bit selfish.
Yesterday, I lost my cool because I was supposed to meet someone and the person was about an hour and a half late to call me to set up a meeting place. No big deal, I know but I am only in this city for a day or two more and have to make the best of my time. I hate wasted time. So, when this person finally called me, I had already gone and completed the task that we were supposed to have done together and told this person that I just wanted to get on with my day. I wasn't mad when I told them but I was kind of simmering inside.
When I try to help people or go with them when they have no confidence, I usually don't require anything in return but occasionally, I feel like I am being taken advantage of. It is evil of me but I think any feeling is valid and should be recognized.
I seem to have put my life on hold for youth and right now I am thinking that I need to do something and have the things that most people have at this age. Things like living and working in a place where I am growing instead of stagnating. I have to jump in with both feet.
So, I suppose that I know what I need to do. Now I just need to do it!
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home